Judging versus Discerning

We know we are not to judge - the Bible, the Work, and many other spiritual belief systems tell us so. And for good reason. We never have all the facts, so we can't make accurate judgements; we are often wrong; and if we judge ourselves, we can't be objective.

What's more, judging usually equates to condemning, and by condemning ourselves we trigger toxic shame and prevent ourselves from seeing what we're really like. We shut down the observing I too quickly, because the results are distressing. Then, without insight, we can no longer see ourselves clearly and so cannot develop or change at all.

When we judge others, our vision is similarly handicapped. We can't know, for example, exactly why someone has behaved in a certain way, and it's possible - no, likely - that if we came from a similar background and had similar problems, we would behave in just the same way. It's always a case of "There but for the grace of God, go I".

Take the example of a heroin addict. A young woman, addicted to this expensive drug, is forced to prostitute herself to buy more of the heroin she needs in order to function. She's open to exploitation from dealers and pimps, and puts herself in great danger every time she walks the streets.

It's easy to look at someone like this and judge her as stupid, feckless or simply a "bad lot".

But if you had grown up in a deprived home, with a single parent struggling to cope with multiple children by different fathers, or with two inadequate parents unable to set boundaries; insufficient income to provide for the family's needs; and a set of addiction genes that predisposed you to become hooked on opiates - all circumstances I've seen in any number of counselling clients - then you might very well have taken the same path.

So, judging in this way is out of bounds to anyone on a spiritual path. It's foolish. It does no good and can cause much harm.

Similarly, we can't look at any individual and decide that because of their behaviour and lack of remorse they are destined for permanent destruction, "going to hell", incapable of change.

We don't know whether someone will be given the grace of final repentance. Perhaps, on their death bed, they will deeply regret their actions and yearn for another chance. And perhaps, since the God of our understanding - of any spiritually inclined pilgrim's understanding - is a God of great compassion and mercy, this person will indeed be offered a second chance, after a necessary term in what we think of as purgatory, the process of purification by which our faults and sins are cleansed from us.

We must, however, exercise our judgement in deciding the best way to treat other people and the best path to follow for our own development.

When we advise people not to judge, we mean that we are not to judge people. But their actions, their choices, their way of life can and must be judged if they happen to cross our path, because what we make of them determines how we may relate to them.

In the case of the young prostitute I suggested above, we would see that the only way to help her would be, first of all, to advise her to come into recovery. And that would be possible only if the woman herself wished to do so. We can't compel anyone to follow the path we know would be best for them. Each of us has our own destiny, our own fate, and to interfere with the fate of another is a very serious spiritual crime.

Saving them, however, is mandatory, if we're given the chance to do so. And sometimes, of course, we are. We may be in the right place at the right time to suggest going into rehab; we may, if we have gained their confidence by refusing to judge or condemn them, be listened to, and our advice may be taken.

And, as far as looking at our own behaviour is concerned, of course we have to judge the effects our actions have on ourselves and others; we have to discern whether we're on the right path or whether we've strayed from our ideals; we have to decide which I's we want to cultivate and strengthen, and which are harmful and must be given no more of our time or energy.

I think, in these case, "discernment" is a better term than "judgement".

Discernment is a gift of the Holy Spirit. As mature Work students, following the Fourth Way, we are practising Christianity in its deepest and most essential form, and we can and must use the gift of discernment to our own and others' benefit.

We can't discern the final destiny of any individual soul, but we can discern the likely outcome of a course of action.

We may not condemn anyone - including ourselves - to a sorry end, but we must discern the best course to follow in any situation so as to avoid such an end ourselves.

And we must discern, from long observation, the value of the different I's in various centres which habitually take over our Personality and False Personality, so that we recognize them and detach from the useless, energy-sapping I's and allow the useful, valuable I's to act in their place.

This process is part of contemplating the Four Last Things which the Catholic church puts before us for consideration during the month of November.

Death; Judgement; Heaven; Hell - all these are worthy of pondering, and discernment will show us how to live in order to achieve the one, and avoid the other.

Death, of course, comes to all of us, but if we have lived well, using discernment, then there will be nothing to fear. It is simply the journey to a different, higher plane, where all we have done and all we need to do will be placed before us, and where we, seeing ourselves in the Light, Love and Truth of Conscious Humanity, will choose the next stage for our development.

We may have many lessons still to be learned on Earth, or we may be ready to enter a different form of existence. But we shall see, with perfect discernment and with the help of the only good and wise Judge, God Himself, however we choose to name Him, who we are and where our next stage will be lived.